How to deal with the three types of guilt? Is it possible to deal with guilt and let it go?
We spend a lot of time thinking about a memory that fills us with guilt. We all feel guilt sometimes because it is a natural human emotion. However, some people feel guilty more often than others, and it is not always because they have done more bad things.
That is why it is important to find out where your guilt comes from and what kind of guilt you feel. Carrying around guilt is very stressful. If you understand where your guilt comes from, it will be easier to get rid of it. Whether that means making amends, working through the guilt or simply forgetting about it.
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3 Different types of guilt
- Free-floating or toxic guilt – the feeling of not being a good person
- Guilt or regret about something you have done or not done
- Existential guilt, a negative feeling that arises from the injustice you perceive in the world and from your own unpaid obligations to life itself
If you are a mother, you may feel guilty about taking time for yourself. However, it is important to let go of this guilt and focus on your own wellbeing.
Yoga can be a great way to do this. As a mother, you may feel guilty about taking time for yourself, but it is important to let go of that guilt and focus on your own wellbeing. Yoga can be a great way to do this.
How to deal with guilt
How to deal with toxic guilt?
There are two ways that people usually experience toxic guilt.
First, it can be present like a flavour in your personality. It is a feeling that can enter your consciousness at any time and make you feel bad or unworthy.
Secondly, it can be triggered from outside.
This happens when you make a mistake or someone suspects you. If you have a lot of toxic guilt, it doesn’t take much to activate it. For example, an argument with your boyfriend or a phone call from your mother can do it.
In extreme cases, people feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells. They are afraid to do anything that might expose their badness. Therefore, it is important that you learn to recognise guilt. That way they will no longer control you from the inside.
So you can deal with a lot of guilt. But there is also no question that this kind of guilt can be useful. Toxic guilt can be caused by an accumulation of certain hurts that a person has not healed.
Toxic guilt is a type of guilt that is not based on anything you have done. It is very harmful to you and to other people. If you are willing to look at it more closely, you will probably find that your toxic guilt has very little to do with what you have done. That is what makes it so toxic.
When you have this kind of toxic guilt, any offence you commit in real time is so weighed down by all your pent-up guilt that it can feel debilitating.
When you need some inspiration in your life, it can be helpful to turn to ancient wisdom. The Yoga Sutras are a great place to find guidance and advice for living well. When you need some inspiration, it can be helpful to turn to ancient wisdoms.
How to deal with natural feelings of guilt?
The feeling of guilt is natural and helpful because it allows us to recognise when we have done something wrong and take steps to change our behaviour.
This feeling of guilt is probably due to our ability to empathise with others and feel their pain, which leads to things like social safety nets. A healthy relationship with guilt allows us to use it as a sign to improve our behaviour rather than agonising over it.
Despite the fact that natural feelings of guilt can be useful, they often become a tool that parents and society use to control people.
Spouses, partners, religions, spiritual groups and even yoga groups can also make people feel guilty for not living up to their standards.
For example, a vegan friend may make someone feel guilty for eating salmon. However, when natural guilt is used excessively or as a form of control, it can become toxic and lead to feelings of constant low suffering.
Below are five ways you can practice compassion and get better at it.
- Be patient
- Listen with an open mind
- Try to see things from the other person’s perspective
- Do not be afraid to show vulnerability
- Do not hesitate to ask for help
How to deal with existential guilt?
The guilt you feel can be either social or political in nature. For example, you might feel guilty when you see pictures of animals in cages or read about suffering in another country. You might also feel guilty when you realise how much privilege you have compared to other people in the world.
This is what I call existential guilt. It’s a real feeling, and it makes sense. Because there is no way to live on earth without having a negative impact on others in some way. If you cut down trees to build an office park, it could mean that owls lose their homes.
If you walk through a forest, you might trample some plants. In general, the resources we use to live a simple life mean that the same resources are not available to others.
Modern liberal societies, heavily focused on individualism and consumption, often lead to existential guilt because so many people have not been taught how to respect the web of life. This includes not only environmentally conscious behaviour, but also practices such as inviting guests to the table, sharing food with those in need and giving back to the community.
When we feel guilty, it can be difficult to figure out what is causing the guilt. Sometimes we feel guilty because we have done something wrong, and this kind of guilt can be helpful because it points us to our own values that we have not lived up to. In other cases, we may feel guilty for something that is out of our control, and in this case it may be best to let go of the guilt.
Steps to letting go of guilt and shame
Manage your expectations of yourself
After checking that your expectations are realistic, find a way to forgive yourself if you cannot live up to unrealistic expectations.
They are not your actions. If you start believing that your actions define you, you will end up feeling ashamed. Remember that there is a difference between making a mistake and failing to meet your own standards. If you simply fail to meet your standards, let yourself off the hook. Your worth does not come from your actions alone.
Do you take responsibility for the feelings of others?
If you ever feel guilty about a decision you have made, just remember that we all have negative feelings sometimes and there is no need to protect others from them. Feeling guilty for letting someone down is natural, but try not to dwell on it too much.
Take responsibility for your part in the situation
The most important thing you can do is to face the situation head on. If you try to avoid the issue, you may feel guilty and ashamed, which will make the situation worse. Admit your part in the situation. You may have forgotten something or let someone down. These things happen and it is okay to admit that you are not perfect.
Make amends
If you have done something that you could have done differently, try to rectify the situation as soon as possible. Apologise for what you did or what you forgot to do; whatever it was, try to undo it. If the opportunity has already passed, resolve to be more mindful in the future.
When you have the opportunity to apologise, listen at least as much as you talk. This will not only help you feel better, but also help the other person deal with their own issues related to the situation.
If the other person wants to talk about their feelings, let them. It may not be pleasant at the moment, but it can help you keep a clear and sane head later.
If you have done something that has hurt someone, apologise to them. Once you have apologised, ask the person if there is anything you can do to make the situation better. Be prepared to do what the person asks you to do, unless there is a very good reason why you cannot.
Forgive yourself
The final step is to forgive yourself. You have realised that your actions are not in line with the person you want to be, you have made an effort to correct your mistake or set a goal for the future, and you have apologised to those you have harmed. Now it is time to forgive yourself.
You can try writing down everything you think has to do with the situation. This can include what you did, who you hurt and whether you realised that person would be hurt. You can also write down your motivation and how you feel about it now. You can also write about any obstacles that are in your way, such as fear or shame.
If you find it difficult to let go of the guilt, try talking to someone about the situation. It might be helpful to talk to someone who is not directly involved in the situation so that you can tone down the emotions you associate with the issue.
If you can’t talk to a close friend or family member, try discussing it with a Theta Healing therapist, for example. It is important to remember that the more we keep it to ourselves, the more attached we become.
Increase self-compassion and acceptance
You are not perfect, and that is okay! You will make mistakes and face difficult situations, but if you approach yourself with compassion and acceptance, it will be much easier to deal with it and move on.
Usually these are the moments from which we can learn lessons and evolve, which gives us the opportunity to act differently later. Acknowledge your feelings and what you have been through, be understanding with yourself because you are human, and let go of the shame. There is no need to keep it and let yourself suffer.
I like to remind people that we are all like sunsets. When we look at a sunset, we admire it for what it is at that moment. We don’t try to analyse it or change it, we just accept it for its natural beauty just as it is.
We are all like sunsets that should be appreciated for exactly who we are.
Dealing with feelings of shame
If you are struggling with feelings of shame and guilt, know that you are not alone. Recognising these feelings is the first step to managing them. A therapist can help you work through these feelings so they have less of an impact on your life.
